Everyone is Getting Married, Except Me - Thank Xenu!

Within the past three months, I have attended two weddings, been told of two more, been formally invited to an additional three and have been asked to stand in three more. Two things: One, I didn’t even realize I had that many friends and two, what in the fuck?

I suppose to answer my second point I must admit that I am somewhat in shock due to the fact that I cannot even commit to watching one football game at a time on Sunday, let alone one woman for the rest of my life. In most of these cases I am friends with the groom. These are all guys that I have partied with for years. I have seen them at their absolute worst, or best, depending on your point of view. I guess I cannot see any of these guys doing the whole “settling down” thing. They just don’t seem the type. But I guess none of us guys are the type until we meet the one woman who we feel is worth it.

I am a lone wolf, I suppose, in the fact that I have never truly been in love, nor do I really have any desire to fall in love anytime soon. I am a young 25, I guess, in the sense that when I look at the grand scheme of things, I figure that if I extrapolate an average male life expectancy of 78 in addition to the fact that many of my relatives lived well past this mark despite the fact that they smoked, drank, and listened to loud music, as I do, as well as the advances in modern medicine that seem imminent, I have 60 years left to live.

I am in no rush to settle into a relationship, as my past couple girlfriends could attest, perhaps with some malice. I am still trying to get a firm grip on how to properly provide for and take care of myself. There is no way I could also be responsible for taking care of someone else.

Most of my friends who are getting married have been in long – term relationships with their partners and in all cases I am well acquainted with them. I honestly believe that they will all be happy together, but I still regret that they are moving so fast. I suppose it is just because I am the way I am – emotionally bankrupt in some instances. But, I do wonder if five years from now they may look back on their life and end up wondering, “what the hell was I thinking?” Let’s be realistic: Half of marriages fail, often within the first five years.

So out of ten upcoming or recently passed nuptials, five of those unions will result in divorce. By that time, I am most likely going to be right there by my friends’ sides consoling them about the half of their shit that they lost. Or, who knows? – I may be hitched myself with a house, 2 kids and a white picket fence. It is also within the realm of possibilities that Jesus will return to earth, record a pop album and launch a clothing line.

The bottom line is that I wish everyone the best of luck and I will be rooting for them. I just hope that each and everyone of them is in a place where they are one hundred percent sure that marriage is what they truly want and that they have totally figured themselves out and accomplished what they wanted to while they had the time to do it. I love weddings, I really do, just so long as I am not the one standing at the altar – for now.