Weather Talk

Winter has recently shown its face in my neck of the woods. We received the first snowfall of the season a couple of days ago and the locals are already complaining. Why people are so surprised and enthralled by obviously predictable weather changes intrigues me. After twenty-five years of Canadian weather, I am pretty acclimated to the cold that we endure and as such have no reason to bitch or act surprised when it snows in October, or June for that matter.

An American associate of mine has asked me how I cope with the cold. The truth is that it is not really ever that cold, or it may just seem that way because I am used to it. I enjoy the cold and feel it is a minor inconvenience to live in a natural disaster free zone. If I had my choice between my penis recoiling inside of my body when I walk out the door in January or having the ground shake, as it did in Hawaii yesterday, I will take the cold any day.

This summer my area endured the worst rain/windstorm we have ever had and the damage was comparatively minimal. No levies breaking, no buildings collapsing. Just some downed trees and minor structures. Apparently we do live on an active fault line and we have experienced three measurable earthquakes in my time. The last one occurred New Year’s 2000. I am sure when the tectonic shift occurred many people had assumed that the rapture was underway and acted accordingly. I was actually shitfaced and attempting to take a piss. I fell to the ground and pissed all over myself. It is entirely possible that the earthquake had nothing to do with this, but that is my story and I am sticking with it. The plus side is that the house where I was doing my business stayed erect.

All of this aside, I look forward to the cold and will continue to do so as long as the ground stays relatively still and my house stays above water. It is easier to buy a winter coat than it is to swim through the streets or avoid tons of rubble.