From the Amazing Files.

Recently I ran accross Rolling Stone's supposed "100 Greatest Guitar Players of All-Time" list. I am not sure if it is a joke, or if one of the editors decided to let his retarded son assemble the list. I submit to you the following exhibit as to why this list is absolute bullshit. Check out this video of the man that they ranked number 7 here. Fuck Johnny be Good, I want to see Chuck Berry play this.

Back In the Saddle

A lot has happened in the world since my last post. I am now going to run through some of the items that have piqued my interest in the past month.

First off, I would like to congratulate my dear friend and brother from a different mother, Georges St. Pierre for his victory over Matt Hughes at UFC 65 for the Welterweight Title. Georges looked razor sharp and will keep that title for a long time to come.

Apparently some dumb fucking woman in the US microwaved her baby to death. I am numb with disbelief and rage. Mostly rage. Shoot this bitch out of a cannon.

Common sense prevails! OJ will no longer get his book released, nor will his TV special be aired. It is nice to know that corporate responsibility still exists. What? They cancelled it only after boycotts of News Corp and its subsidiaries were being organized? The almighty dollar, evidently the moral compass of the 21st Century.

The newest member of the Stupid Fucking Whore Club is Britney Spears. She has received her tiny dog, oversized sunglasses and home lobotomy kit in the mail. Unfortunately, due to the ever - rising costs of being a Stupid Fucking Whore they were unable to include underwear in this year’s kits.

Speaking of the Stupid Fucking Whore Club, does Lindsay Lohan not realize that she does not belong? She has something the others don’t – talent. Although it is very weird that she seems to be living her life based on a movie, rather than the other way around – anyone see Mean Girls?

I saw Borat. I peed a little. I also took with me the knowledge that I was witnessing one of the greatest social experiments ever conducted.

I have always longed to experience the ‘60s. In the wake of Kramer losing his mind and the cops finding time to pump 50 shots into three unarmed black men and an 87 year old black woman, this is not exactly what I had in mind.

And finally, I am willing to admit that I find this whole Russian spy poisoning to be awesome. Finally - some creativity within the realm of international assassinations. The car bomb was getting very passé.

Best Day Ever!

First, Britney Spears is getting divorced. Finally, this is my chance. I can be her new Federline, but with Talent. Call me baby, we’ll grab some Pabst and hit up a flea market.

Second, the American election was today. And the Democrats took the house. That will neuter Baby Bush and his cronies. I love American election coverage. It is so much like watching a sporting event: top of the line graphics and soundtracks, stats everywhere, every second, the commentators giving their thoughts on the performances and interviews with the players. It is a rush! And as an added bonus, I get 7 hours of Wolf Blitzer.

Third, I had Tacos tonight.

Best Day Ever!

America Votes

Americans are heading to the polls today and in record – low numbers I am quite certain. I am hoping that the democrats pick up enough seats to neuter Little Bush and the Gruesome Twosome.

One of the two, Donald Rumsfeld, was called on to resign by all branches of the American military. He is going to stick it out though, just to make sure that Iraq gets mishandled even more.

Already there have been reports of voter intimidation and irregularities with their new voting machines. What a joke this democracy has become. One of the important elements to an election, in my mind, is a paper trail. I think that these voting machines are vulnerable to tampering and leave no recourse for recounts.

I will have more on this as the polls close.

I Love this Song

This song is from a Canadian Panasonic Television ad. It is so soothing. It takes away the urge to kill. The downside is it is only 60 seconds long as it was commissioned specifically for the ad and was written and recorded by session musicians. I hope that they do a full on version of this song at some point and that it permanently plays in the background and lulls me into blissful pacifism.

With out further adieu, I give you,

Guatemala

100 Visitors!

In just over two weeks this little blip on the information superhighway has amassed 100 visitors! In addition, the winner of our 100th visitor grand prize sweepstakes has been announced. Joel B. of Kuwait City, Kuwait has won the fabulous grand prize:

- an autographed picture of me
- an autographed picture of me in profile
- an autographed picture of me in silhouette
- an all expenses paid lunch meeting with me at the lovely McDonald’s
in lovely Pembroke, Ontario, Canada (some restrictions may apply)
- an autographed photo magnet set of me
- an autographed pair of boxer briefs, worn by me
- an autographed t-shirt, worn by me
- a box of ice mint tic – tacs
- a genuine Kiss cock ring, autographed by me and Peter Criss

Remember to keep visiting people, the 200th visitor sweepstakes are now open and the prize package is sure to be doubly awesome.

I Got Issues

Well, it is five days until Halloween. The last time I did anything for Halloween was in 1999. The events that unfolded that night were so scarring that I have boycotted the event for the past six years. All that I am able to divulge about that terrifying evening is that people dressed up in fucked up costumes in a dark bar, with black lights and loud house music do not mix well with mild hallucinogens. I will be forever grateful for the talking leopard for helping me out of that place.

Six long years have passed since then and I am much wiser and no longer dabble in such things as psychotropic experiments. I actually have two parties that I am scheduled to attend on Saturday, Halloween for the working adults. Of course, the million - dollar question is, who or what do I go as?

In my case the answer is a no-brainer. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I bare a passing resemblance to Canadian Cult Icon, Rob Wells – better known as Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys. I am excited to do it, I think that it will be hilarious, however I face one elephant of an issue. In order to pull off this Halloween image, I must shave be beard and cut my hair.

No big deal, right? For me it is. I don’t exactly know how to describe it, but I have a Sampson complex. I have gotten steadily harrier as the years have gone on. And I have gotten stronger. My strength is at its all time optimum right now, as I have long, Tony Iomi – like hair, only it ‘fro’s out on me. It is so thick that nothing can be done with it, so I wear a hat. In addition to the jungle on my head, I have also have not shaved at all since August 24th and have not shaved my goatee since June.

Yesterday I lifted a car and threw it on a little girl. I am that strong now – which is the source of my conundrum. Do I forfeit awesome, superhuman strength for maximum hilarity (Ricky is simply hysterical by nature, anyone who watches Trailer Park Boys knows this)? Well, I am going to go get rid of my Manson-esque beard and arrange it into long sideburns and a goatee.

Well, I did it – and fucked up horribly. I am still going to go ahead with my costume. It took me six years to partake in this silly day and it may be another six after this one, depending on what kind of trouble there is to get into Saturday. Tomorrow, I will get my haircut and render my being merely human again.

OJ Simpson - All - Time Biggest Piece of Shit

What can you say about OJ that hasn’t been said before? Not too much, but I will try. Ever since the trial of the 20th century declared OJ innocent and the follow up civil suit declared OJ to be the opposite, The Juice has spent the decade that followed living in relative obscurity.

A couple of years ago, OJ released a DVD series called “Juiced” that basically ripped off “Punk’d”, with The Juice subbing in for Ashton Kutcher. At the time, I actually read an article that interviewed the producer/director. He went on to basically describe OJ as a dick of the highest calibre.

As if we needed more evidence to support that claim, besides the fact that he still has not paid the Goldman family a dime from their civil suit – OJ resides outside of California now and is not subject to the terms of the payment outside of the state – The Juice has decided to confirm that he is by far one of, if not the biggest fucking asshole who ever walked the earth.

OJ announced this week that he plans to release a book that takes the “what if I did it” approach to the double murders that claimed the life of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. Apparently, he is going to write this riveting piece of “fiction” and outline what approach he would have taken if he were actually the one who sliced two humans’ throats like a piece of cheese. This book will no doubt sell a few thousand copies, due to the perverse nature of human curiosity. OJ has stated that he will still refuse to give any money to the Goldmans, even if the book is a huge seller.

Following OJ’s lead, I am going to write a book that will look at the hypothetical scenario that I smoke pot, drink, have sex with strange women and party like an animal. After I write this imaginary tome, I will read it over and then realize that the book is not imaginary at all, but that it is indeed my life. I wonder if OJ will have the same reaction to his book, thus ending his 10 - year search for the real killer.

To me, this is piece of trash book is a far greater affront to general human decency than the murders themselves. OJ is a piece of shit of the highest degree and I think that he should be shot out of a cannon against a brick wall, with Mr. Goldman lighting the fuse. Then, Mr. Goldman can write a book about it.

Fuck You, OJ, you Grade – A douchebag.

Out of the Ether

I don’t really have anything to post right now, except for this rambling. I am not sure what to write, so I will just write whatever pops into my head. Oranges. Delicious, vitamin-rich oranges, chock full of goodness, I highly recommend that you eat one immediately.

I really don’t think that this is going to work out that well. At least that last part didn’t work out at all; although oranges certainly are good. Not as good as nectarines though.

I can eat four or five nectarines in a row, depending on availability. A lot of people prefer peaches. I guess, for me anyways, it has to do with the fact that nectarines are pretty much the exact same, except god waxes them first. They are nice and smooth when you're lapping up all that juice. I just prefer it that way and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t get me wrong: if I happen to come across a perfectly delicious and juicy peach, I will gladly eat it, gladly. It would just be preferable to have a nectarine, that’s all.

Who’s with me?

Princess Leia is 50

Carrie Fisher is celebrating her 50th birthday today. She was one of the first women that I can recall being attracted to. I was three years old when Ms. Fisher donned the metal bikini, an image firmly imprinted into not only my mind, but firmly deposited in the spank-bank of many geeks the world over, to be recalled when using the force.

I last saw Carrie Fisher on the William Shatner Roast, hilarious event in its own right. But there were passing moments of utter sadness, such as the 2 or so minutes of camera – time that Carrie received. She looks like she was rendered from silly putty, to which someone applied a mallet thereby producing this facsimile of the woman who was Princess Leia. That made me sad.

But then Betty White came on tv. That made me happy again.

Then I realized that I would rather do a golden girl than Princess Leia. That made me scared.

Then I realized that at least it wasn’t Bea Arthur. That made me better.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS LEIA!

Jesus asks, "Why Me, Me? Why?"

I have great news. Stephen Baldwin, yes THE Stephen Baldwin has made a comeback. Unfortunately he has not returned to provide us with another cinematic masterpiece in the same vein as his previous hits, Bio-Dome, Slapshot 2 or his one time guest spot on CSI. We can only pray that he will return to the screen some day.

I have a sneaking suspicion that our prayers may be answered, because Jesus loves one of his own. No I am not talking about Jews, carpenters or pimps. I am referring to the legion of his (or His, depending on perspective) followers known as Christians. Well, the club just got one bigger, as Stevie B. has been born again, as he has outlined thoroughly in his new book: The Unusual Suspect: My Calling to the New Hardcore Movement of Faith.

I am sure that it is a great read, perhaps even worthy of an Oprah Book Club selection. I am also sure that Jesus must be ecstatic. Out of all of the Baldwin brothers who could have potentially chosen to follow the Big Christ, snagging Stephen must be seen as a real coup in the kingdom of heaven.

Sure, he may not have Billy's good looks, Daniel's drug and food addictions, or Alec's talent, but he is easily the 3rd or 4th best Baldwin, at least that is what Kim Bassinger told me - zing! Next up for Jesus as he scours the celebrity world for devotees - Marlin Jackson, followed by Frank Stallone. Nothing but the cream of the Christian crop - more on this as it unfolds.

File this one under: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Yesterday, 125 people were arrested for accessing child pornography in New Jersey, the cradle of civilization. Normally, I am down for a little bit of innocent kiddie porn, like everyone else, but what makes this case especially egregious is the fact that one of the feature attractions of this particular porn rings were photos and videos involving infants.

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??? These 125 douchebags are pathetic. We are now scraping the bottom of the barrel here. As fucked up as it is to think that some sick motherfucker actually violated a child in the first place, what is even more fucking bizarre is the fact that there is a goddamned marketplace for this shit. Really, who gets off watching babies getting screwed?

Inevitably, most of the accused offenders in this case will get minimal prison sentences, if any jail time at all, because for many it will be their first offence. They will have court ordered therapy sessions where they will be able to get all of their feelings out and determine why they resorted to such a perverse behavior in the first place and they will be cured forever, as long as they don’t get caught again.

I find this manner of treatment unacceptable. I think that they should line up all 125 of these assholes. Then one by one they should load them into a cannon and shoot them up against a brick wall. And I also think that they should sell tickets and host it in Yankee Stadium, or some other large - scale venue. And in order to make this event family friendly (I think that there would be some poetic justice involved if children could watch this spectacle) the cannon should be preloaded with 300 pounds of strawberry jam. That way when the diseased fuckwads have their bodies interact with a solid brick wall at high speed, the kids won’t be too traumatized.

Just Heard

From a Television Commercial:
-If you have any decreased vision see a doctor and stop taking Cialis immediately.

1. No Shit
2. Sign Me Up Please. That would be the best thing ever.
3. I wonder if sarcasm comes accross online.
4. Do I want a boner or do I want to see? Tough one.
5. Best of luck Uncle Bob, we're rooting for you.

Weather Talk

Winter has recently shown its face in my neck of the woods. We received the first snowfall of the season a couple of days ago and the locals are already complaining. Why people are so surprised and enthralled by obviously predictable weather changes intrigues me. After twenty-five years of Canadian weather, I am pretty acclimated to the cold that we endure and as such have no reason to bitch or act surprised when it snows in October, or June for that matter.

An American associate of mine has asked me how I cope with the cold. The truth is that it is not really ever that cold, or it may just seem that way because I am used to it. I enjoy the cold and feel it is a minor inconvenience to live in a natural disaster free zone. If I had my choice between my penis recoiling inside of my body when I walk out the door in January or having the ground shake, as it did in Hawaii yesterday, I will take the cold any day.

This summer my area endured the worst rain/windstorm we have ever had and the damage was comparatively minimal. No levies breaking, no buildings collapsing. Just some downed trees and minor structures. Apparently we do live on an active fault line and we have experienced three measurable earthquakes in my time. The last one occurred New Year’s 2000. I am sure when the tectonic shift occurred many people had assumed that the rapture was underway and acted accordingly. I was actually shitfaced and attempting to take a piss. I fell to the ground and pissed all over myself. It is entirely possible that the earthquake had nothing to do with this, but that is my story and I am sticking with it. The plus side is that the house where I was doing my business stayed erect.

All of this aside, I look forward to the cold and will continue to do so as long as the ground stays relatively still and my house stays above water. It is easier to buy a winter coat than it is to swim through the streets or avoid tons of rubble.

Movie Review: The Departed

Boston, some years ago.

And so begins The Departed, Scorsese’s return to the crime genre that he reinvented with Mean Streets and Taxi Driver, later perfecting the mould with Goodfellas and Casino.

After over a decade away from his forte, Scorsese has returned; and in a big way. The Departed is a remake of the Chinese film Infernal Affairs, which was brilliant in its own right. Scorsese’s adaptation packs much more grit and intensity.

This film is brutally beautiful with every actor cast to perfection. The story centers around a cop gone under cover (Leo DiCaprio) with the Irish mob led by none other than Jack Nicholson himself. Nicholson plays a sadistic, narcissistic psychopath; a role that he has mastered through the years. Nicholson’s character has sent one of his own (Matt Damon) undercover into the Boston State Troopers to level the playing field.

After the premise is set, the movie evolves into a smoke and mirror show as both Leo and Matt attempt to exist in their worlds without getting made. Their dual identities rake their mental health as both exhibit the stress of living a lie. To tie these two together, the film also employs a love triangle, although all parties are oblivious to the full impact of this element. At the center is unknown actress Vera Farmiga, who is not only incredibly gorgeous (especially those eyes – wow), but also brings extraordinary vulnerability and believability to a very demanding and difficult role.

The supporting cast is top – notch, led by Martin Sheen, Mark Wahlberg – in his best performance since Boogie Nights, and the incomparable Alec Baldwin, who brings laugh after laugh to an otherwise vicious and violent film. As with every Scorsese film, the soundtrack is once again carefully selected and adds a sense of depth and richness to each and every scene, led by the Pink Floyd classic, Comfortably Numb.

The ending sequence is gritty and left me in shock once the credits rolled. I am still reeling from it. This is by far Scorsese’s best film in years and I would venture to say that it is even better than Goodfellas and Casino. The only film I would rank above this one in the Scorsese catalogue would be Raging Bull.

This is definitely a must see film, not only for the masterful direction, which will hopefully finally garner Marty his first Oscar, but also for the performances of a lifetime from Matt Damon and especially DiCaprio.

5/5, Brilliant cinema

Everyone is Getting Married, Except Me - Thank Xenu!

Within the past three months, I have attended two weddings, been told of two more, been formally invited to an additional three and have been asked to stand in three more. Two things: One, I didn’t even realize I had that many friends and two, what in the fuck?

I suppose to answer my second point I must admit that I am somewhat in shock due to the fact that I cannot even commit to watching one football game at a time on Sunday, let alone one woman for the rest of my life. In most of these cases I am friends with the groom. These are all guys that I have partied with for years. I have seen them at their absolute worst, or best, depending on your point of view. I guess I cannot see any of these guys doing the whole “settling down” thing. They just don’t seem the type. But I guess none of us guys are the type until we meet the one woman who we feel is worth it.

I am a lone wolf, I suppose, in the fact that I have never truly been in love, nor do I really have any desire to fall in love anytime soon. I am a young 25, I guess, in the sense that when I look at the grand scheme of things, I figure that if I extrapolate an average male life expectancy of 78 in addition to the fact that many of my relatives lived well past this mark despite the fact that they smoked, drank, and listened to loud music, as I do, as well as the advances in modern medicine that seem imminent, I have 60 years left to live.

I am in no rush to settle into a relationship, as my past couple girlfriends could attest, perhaps with some malice. I am still trying to get a firm grip on how to properly provide for and take care of myself. There is no way I could also be responsible for taking care of someone else.

Most of my friends who are getting married have been in long – term relationships with their partners and in all cases I am well acquainted with them. I honestly believe that they will all be happy together, but I still regret that they are moving so fast. I suppose it is just because I am the way I am – emotionally bankrupt in some instances. But, I do wonder if five years from now they may look back on their life and end up wondering, “what the hell was I thinking?” Let’s be realistic: Half of marriages fail, often within the first five years.

So out of ten upcoming or recently passed nuptials, five of those unions will result in divorce. By that time, I am most likely going to be right there by my friends’ sides consoling them about the half of their shit that they lost. Or, who knows? – I may be hitched myself with a house, 2 kids and a white picket fence. It is also within the realm of possibilities that Jesus will return to earth, record a pop album and launch a clothing line.

The bottom line is that I wish everyone the best of luck and I will be rooting for them. I just hope that each and everyone of them is in a place where they are one hundred percent sure that marriage is what they truly want and that they have totally figured themselves out and accomplished what they wanted to while they had the time to do it. I love weddings, I really do, just so long as I am not the one standing at the altar – for now.

The War on Drugs: Literally!

This is why I love being Canadian. The following story could only happen to us.

The Canadian Army contingent serving in Afghanistan has a new enemy: Marijuana. This particular battle against weed has nothing to do with the traditional war on drugs, as this campaign is a bit more literal.

It seems that Canadian Forces are having a hard time fighting Taliban insurgents because they are taking cover in forests. These forests just happen to be made of ten - foot marijuana plants. The Canadians have attempted to burn these plants in a variety of methods, with predictable results. First off, marijuana plants have the ability to hold vast amounts of water, rendering them quite resistant to burning. Secondly, the few plants that have burned have resulted in Canadian troops feeling some adverse affects, such as the desire to “talk things out” with the Taliban while listening to the Darkside of the Moon and many soldiers deserting the battle fields for what they call, “much needed Dorito breaks.”

I have never had any desire to join the Canadian Forces until now. I have only dreamed of a forest of weed. But, alas, this is just another example of the futility of the war on drugs, only this time in a much more tangible fashion.

Full story can be found here: Canada troops battle 10-foot Afghan marijuana plants

Editor's Note

Please be advised that The View From the Bottom's ongoing look at the United States and its quirks has been retitled from, "What is wrong with America" to "America, What are you doing?"

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Great Parenting, Volume One

I must admit that recently I was persuaded by a friend to join an online dating service. In retrospect it has been a monumental waste of time. But I digress.

I was taken aback by something that I saw occurring with regular frequency. Many of the women who had posted profiles seemed to think that it was a good idea to include photographs of their children. Perhaps I am mistaken, but is this not a monumentally asinine move?

The Internet is already a pedophile’s paradise and these broads are giving them a bone. Johnny Perv could be surfing for a woman with young kids to begin with, now he has a catalogue to choose from. At some point reality should check in and these mothers should realize that it is not the greatest idea to showcase your children on the Internet for all to see. Maybe these women are so desperate though, that this is their intention. I am probably going to hell for that last sentence, but I am most likely heading there anyways.

The bottom line is that any parent should understand that their primary function in life is to protect their children. Giving any potential fucked up asshole with an Internet connection the opportunity to check out their son or daughter is a failure to serve this function.

Say Yes to Weed

According to a report out of the Scripps Research Institute in California, Marijuana may help in the prevention of Alzheimer’s disease. I am not one hundred percent certain, but I am pretty damn sure that this is one of the greatest examples of irony in the history of the world.

For years and years, western governments (most notably the US) have been demonizing this naturally occurring substance as a serious health and societal risk. In recent years, study upon study has shown that not only is reefer a minor detriment to one’s overall long - term health, it also has a multitude of health benefits.

At this point in time, I am not willing to get into a discussion on the futility of the war on drugs,or the fact that the sole reason that pot is illegal in North America in the first place is due to the fact that the American government had no access to the product's profits in the early 1900's, although at some point in the future I will. I must admit though, that I am quite ecstatic that I have done a very good job of taking the necessary steps in preventing Alzheimer’s, albeit unknowingly.

News Report can be found here:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/10/05/pot.alzheimers.reut/index.html

I Wish I was Japanese as a kid

Here's why:

http://retrojunk.com/details_tvshows/1318-spiderman-japan/

Note: I realize that Shortround is in fact Vietnemese, but he needs all the press he can get.

America, What are you doing? - Part 1

In the first of what will no doubt be many posts on this subject, I will address an issue that makes the US a worse place to live.

There is a man in the United States’ government who is in a world of shit right now. His name is Mark Foley and he is a Republican Congressman/attempted pedophile. He was attempting to solicit sex in one form or another from 16 year old boys. I know what the American people must be thinking – sexy.

Well, surprisingly Americans do not find this to be sexy. What I find to be even less sexy is the 24 or so hours of bullshit excuse after bullshit excuse on both the behalf of Foley and of the Republican Party leadership who apparently was informed of Foley’s cyberspace transgressions some time last year.

First, to address the Republicans who may have known about this long ago: To say that I am surprised that the Bush party would fuck this up and try to sweep this under the rug with every other misstep or poor choice made by any number of Republicans over the last 6 years would be blatantly false. This is a party made of corrupt, powerteat sucking pigs. President Bush’s adamant condemnation of these acts today is as redundant as the cassette tape. He could have taken his job description as a leader more seriously, rather than being the first frat - house president to slip into a parallel dimension and suddenly wake up the most powerful man in the world. If he was more of a leader rather than the dog in the dog and pony show that this administration has become, he would have a firmer grip on these sick people that seem to surround him. I am not saying that every Republican is a pedophile, nor is every Republican a bad person, but the party as a whole seems to invite impropriety – ethically, financially, sexually or otherwise.

Now to take Mr. Foley to task: It seems that thus far Mr. Foley’s strategy has been to blame everything else for the fact that he decided to have online jerk sessions with teens. Initially, Foley checked into rehab for alcoholism. Oh, that’s right, it was the booze. That makes perfect sense to me now. I remember last Friday I tied one on and immediately found the nearest Kinko’s for some hot cybersex with some of the local high school football stars. Alcohol makes you fight, piss yourself, sleep in ditches, vomit, fall down stairs and find young dudes super hot! HORSEHIT! Secondly, Foley decided to disclose, through his lawyers, that a priest had molested him as a child. And as an afterthought his attorney added that Mr. Foley was also gay.

Being gay is not the same as being a pedophile, a point which is probably lost on the Republicans as well as the half of America that voted these dicks into all levels of government. Being a drunk is not the same as being a pedophile. Being president is not the same as being a leader and being over 18 or, in this case, 50 is not the same as being an adult and there in lies the problem. Everyone of these idiots who gets caught with their pants down, so to speak, acts the same as I did when I was eight years old and stole my brothers marbles: deny until I get caught then blame it on the kid down the road to whom I lent my marbles, which he promptly lost, thus rendering me incapable of any other conceivable action that would not violate ethics, laws or just plain common sense. In this case however, fortunately I might add, Mr. Foley never actually got to play with someone else’s marbles.

First Contact

For a long while now, I have wanted to get my thoughts on paper but did not know where to start. I have decided to skip the torturous organizing that prefaces many written works and just “shoot from the hip”.

I suppose that the outcome of this technique can go one of two ways – brilliance or disaster. But then again those are largely the only outcomes of anything new. And quite often, what was once revered as brilliant devolves over time into disaster – the hair band era is a good example. The opposite is also true – a heliocentric universe seems pretty damn clever these days.

Since I have decided to get into the whole blog craze – another new idea that has seen brilliance in its infancy, perhaps my entry into the arena will cause disaster – I figure that I should let you in on some of my deepest, darkest secrets in order that we get better acquainted.

I am insignificant in almost every sense of the word. I live an unimportant life in an unimportant town and engage in unimportant activities. I am single. Well, solitary is a better term. I do as little as humanly possible in order to survive and I just get by. I am uninspired by almost everything that I encounter in life with a few exceptions.

In a way, this blog is an effort to make me significant, perhaps not in a macro-sociological level, but at least personally I will at some point in the day be able to take some small satisfaction in knowing that I let it all hang out for everyone to see.

So, if you are reading this right now I am sure that you are asking your self, “why the hell am I reading this and why would I read anything that this guy writes again?”
Well, my intention with this whole thing is to some degree restore stoicism, sophistry, philosophy and rational thought in general as much as someone with my limited social influence can.

If you happen to revisit this blip in cyberspace again in the future here are some of the topics I hope to discuss:
· Government/Politics – domestic and global.
· Music, Film, Television
· Culture
· Society
· Drugs
· Love/Sex
· The Random
Be forewarned, not all of the writings will be this articulate or devoid of curse words. Also, at certain times I may also be using certain mind altering substances prior to my postings. So, if you are willing get onboard and enjoy the scenery as you join me on this trip through my mind.